At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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