I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
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Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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