This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My life is pants optional.
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