Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
