For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
