Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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