she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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