My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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