At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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