So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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