just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
