Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
