I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
