I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My ass is underappreciated
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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