My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
