The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
im on a boat
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