Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Less talking, more tequila
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
