Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
