'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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