fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
