So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
