I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
