How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
