How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
not ubering you a puppy
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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