I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
