My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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