Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
