I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
