Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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