she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
