Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
