i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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