Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
