btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever