So drunk its hurt
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday