your address is 607B right?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.