Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
