I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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