Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
