a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
