you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
