I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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