I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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