Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
