Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
need another drink. this is the easiest way
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
