good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pants are for mortals
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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