hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
