woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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