I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
