Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
