Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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