shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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