Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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