i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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