you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
