I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize