So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
