Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
