I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
