Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
