One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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