During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
