I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
