dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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