I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize