I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
