so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
