I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
