Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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