Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
